he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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