the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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