Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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