I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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