i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
