these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize