he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
