You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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