GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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