Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
