He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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