He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
