The maid of honor just puked.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
