herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
