did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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