how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
