this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
barbara walters just said penis...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
