Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
