I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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