I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
