I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
