i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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