Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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