The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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