I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
