Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
