girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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