All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
North Korea, Best Korea!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
