Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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