Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize