I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
