No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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