So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
