I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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