The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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