he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
