ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
