Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
