the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
