Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
