I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
