My nipple is on Facebook.
I've blown a few things in my day
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
