you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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