wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
