It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
