Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world