i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him