So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ketchup is God's man juice
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.