we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.