I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me