So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.