He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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