I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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