12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
