You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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