5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
