I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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