why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
