He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
