i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
