i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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