Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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