I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
