uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
