if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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