dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
