Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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